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Discussion in 'Society and Culture' started by ethics, Jun 4, 2010.

  1. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    Thank you Allene and God bless you for all the kind words and to everyone for just listening and giving advice. This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. All I keep thinking is what will the world be like without my dad in it. It's going to be very different.
  2. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    well we stalled the hospice thing and had him in physical therapy for as long as we could. now, on the 12th, he'll be in the same facility, with hospice care. yesterday was tough. he's been talking about things from the past, and also paranoid. they think it's the meds. but yesterday he was clear. i called and we had a nice talk. i told him how much i love him and he's the best dad in the world. he asked me to get something from my oldest son that he had given him, and i know what it was. his request for someone to help him off himself. i told him to please relax and that he won't feel it. the pain meds will work, but i think he's feeling stuck in his own body more than pain. he really doesn't have much pain. he just wants to get up and walk and go to the bathroom on his own and stuff. then, later on my brother called and i spoke to my dad again and he told me he made a mistake, forget it. he told me how much he loves me and i reminded him of how much i want him to remember Heaven cause that's the place where i'll get to meet my grandma who he always said would have loved me to death. it calmed him down. i remind him that when the time comes, everyone who's passed that he loved, will be there waiting and when my time comes, i'll get to see him again and meet a lot of the family i never got to meet. oh, and i'm supposed to kick my uncle in the face for screwing my dad out of 30 grand back in the 60's with my grandfather's house. so i guess when the time comes, i have to back my uncle out of the room or something and remind him he's a piece of shit vulture.

    going down the end of the week for 2 days to meet with the hospice people with my brother. my mom went to see him and she was ok thank God. i worry about her. we all do. but my dad has her set up more than is needed. she's going to be fine thankfully.

    heatwave here right now. just chillin with the hubby and kids. pool here and there then back into the one room we put an ac in. we hadn't used ac in years up here. i can't wait to hit nj end of the week. i'm gonna melt. i know it. :(
  3. Allene

    Allene Registered User

    Thank you for the update, Violet. It sounds as if things are going as well as can be expected under the circumstances. I'm glad you've had some good talks with your dad. I had to smile about his orders to you re your uncle. My mother, in her last days, was convinced that my sister's husband was stealing money out of her purse. No kidding! Never mind that she had next to nothing in her purse.

    I hope you have a safe trip to New Jersey and some quality time with your father. Stay cool!
  4. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    i know allene. the way this stuff happens is just freaky. especially when it's so out of character for the person to be speaking of this stuff.

    today was scary. my brother got a call at work at noon telling him my father was moved to the hospital again. he passed out while they sat him in a wheelchair. then, they took him to the hospital where he wouldn't come to. his vitals were fine though. so for almost 2 1/2 hours i shook and prayed. he's got a dnr and i know what might have come with this situation. no feeding tube. thank God he came to. i know it's selfish but i want this weekend with him. every single minute i can get before it happens. and when it does happen, i really hope it's just like it should be, sleep and not wake, without suffering. so far the only thing he's suffering is probably what's the worst thing for my dad, to be stuck and not able to just get up and move. he still can answer phone and all though and eat. he loves dq chocolate ice cream sundeas so my brother's been bringing him one every night and he's been gobbling it right up. so, when i go down there, i can see if we can both have one together, like the good ole days. he always was funny when he'd eat ice cream from a cone. i remember days at the recreation when i was a kid, and he and i getting a mr softee cone and you'd think i'd be the messy one? lol nope, daddy's would be melting and dripping and he'd be calling to me to get something to wipe it with. lol
  5. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    i'm so happy i went down to jersey this past weekend and was able to be with my dad on a good day as well, on friday. he's now in hospice since monday. he was declared advanced hospice as of today. beautiful private room and all his wishes in place. he's got the morphine and all now. he was being tough. my dad is a tough guy. don't stop all that easy. he fought like hell since we knew why he was getting sick for the past few years with the infections not clearing up for almost 3 years now in his kidneys. he kept it from me though, and i guess we both had a wish it would just go away. but it's ok. i got him to not suffer anymore and spent 3 days with him. we had our moments and talks. i was strong but wept in the room and he asked me what that noise was, and he knew. i slipped a little but reassured him everything would be ok, and i'd see him with my grandparents in Heaven. we discussed last rights and everything. it's just a matter of when in the next week it will be, if he makes it through the next few days. he fought a good fight with this one. it just can't be beat. stage 4, 8 on the scale of 10 in aggressiveness. he could have been up with it for the last year or more for all we know and still going on idependently. he made it through both mine and my brother's birthday so we don't associate it with his passing. he's shown us courage and will and most of all, love. now, pictures, poems, music, and making sure my mom is ok through this with us, is all that's left. thank God for my brother getting him into an excellent care place, along with taking care of his nurses to ensure they go above and beyond for us when they were there with him. he's been pampered and loved well while staying in private rooms and in a place without crowded craziness. all the attention he's getting, even though he's not really all there anymore since i left, might still register somewhere when he opens his eyes. he can't talk so his voice is.... i heard it this weekend at least before he really went downhill. he knew what was going on when i was there and we talked a lot. hospital employees greeting me in front of him saying 'i see your princess is here' because he spoke of me as his 'princess' to the employees. he took his last stands in my presence and showed off for his little girl even though it was a struggle and weakened him, in room physical therapy on the last day scheduled. i don't know why he wanted to do it, but he did it while smiling at me. i guess the same way he used to make me laugh or smile all the time, he did it for me even though i didn't ask it of him that day, but i saw it. his last stands. the 1st scan wasn't clear. he didn't want to talk to me about the cancer because we were both going to live this wish or something and my brother wasn't the one chosen to tell me the bone scan first result. he wanted it this way, and he even took care of me in his last years and i sensed something wasn't right. we went down there as i felt the need to spend thanksgiving with them the last 3 years. why that holiday? i don't know, but the first one we even spent the night there because i wanted to sleep in the same house just because i knew with his scares, that the day might come. so, we all are doing what we should, and finances aren't being drained, no va bed needed either. he's had food brought in to him whenever he asked for anything, drinks too. i offered to cook for him but he didn't want me to so i just stayed with him as long as i could. i went down in perfect timing too which i'm thankful for. that's my update. will update with more as it comes, but pray and wish for his not suffering and crossing over peacefully please and in no pain. damn, i love my Daddy.
  6. Steve

    Steve Is that it, then?

    Oh, Danna! That was beautiful and sweet and sad and I have tears in my eyes but I'm happy for you both and sad at the same time. God bless your Dad and you, and may you both find peace.
  7. Allene

    Allene Registered User

    What a lovely tribute to your father, Violet. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
  8. Swamp Fox

    Swamp Fox Veteran Member

    I'm happy for you, Vi. :)
  9. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    This morning was different from others. The kids already used to the occasional cry out from me for him in the morning. I didn't do it when it happened, consciously. It just would happen. But, this morning I woke not at 3 am or 7:30 but at 6 am and felt like I was cold and floating. I screamed out for him, and then cried out for him while holding my right hand up to ceiling for his hand but the floating made me feel out of air and I started to hyperventilate and couldn't catch my breath. I then yelled for my husband who was already up and in the basement two floors down from our bedroom. He got there and I kept insisting my father left. He's gone I cried again.

    Two hours later, not even, my brother called. My father passed away this morning. I have to rest. http://www.akmacagnafuneralhome.com/ and the atrium in Madonna's Cemetary in Leonia is where he will rest in his niche with his name on the stone of the family plot for anyone who might visit from my family or extended family, if they wish to pay respects at either place with my Grandmother and Grandfather. Near the areas of Joseph and Anthony in the air conditioned atrium with plants and couches and just beautiful. My father's name was Joseph Anthony Willcox Sr so this worked out great with him going near two areas on that side of the atrium, with those names or branch off's.

    Monday is the 'wake' at the funeral home. My poor brother. He needs prayers and wishes too. He had to do it today without me but my sister in law was there with him which helped him through so much. I thank God for her. Beautiful woman he chose in every way.
  10. Advocat

    Advocat Viral Memes a Speciality Staff Member

    I'm so sorry, Vi. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
  11. Allene

    Allene Registered User

    Please accept my sincere sympathy on the passing of your father. I'm so glad you had that quality time with him before this happened. I wish you and your family peace and strength in the days to come.
  12. ditch

    ditch Downunder Member

    You have my sympathies Violet. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.
  13. BigDeputyDog

    BigDeputyDog Straight Shootin Admin Staff Member

    I'm sorry for your loss, Danna... :(

    My deepest sympathy along with thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family...

  14. Elspeth

    Elspeth Beware the Fire Dragon

    Vi, you are in our thoughts through this diffcult time.

  15. Brazbit

    Brazbit Nah... It can't be.

    Oh Vi I am so sorry.
  16. ethics

    ethics Pomp-Dumpster Staff Member

    My condolences, Vi. :(
  17. ShinyTop

    ShinyTop I know what is right or wrong!

    I am so sorry, Vi.
  18. mikeky

    mikeky Member

    Sorry for your loss Violet.
  19. SixofNine

    SixofNine Jedi Sage Staff Member

    My deepest condolences to you and your family, Vio. :(
  20. tke711

    tke711 Oink Oink Staff Member

    I'm so sorry Vi. :(

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