1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

New Rule Addition

Discussion in 'General Questions' started by Biker, May 3, 2004.


Should dramatic goodbyes result in the account being cancelled?

  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
  2. No

    1 vote(s)
  1. joseftu

    joseftu ORIGINAL Pomp-Dumpster

    Actually, Leon, I didn't mean you at all. I don't know if you're going to believe it, and I don't know if it matters, but I was referring to some others--perhaps I should have named names, but that would have seemed really like a personal attack, and I didn't want it to be like that.

    I'm sorry you took it this way. There are certainly some assholes here, and some people who are not assholes who sometimes act like assholes (that would include me). I felt like some people were acting a little "assholish" toward Misu. I didn't really think you were one of them (in fact, I think I remember defending you in the thread), but now you seem to be reacing like the "shoe fit." But I don't think so!

    I made that comment in Misu's blog because she wasn't accepting PM's, and because I wanted to reassure her and not let this site lose her. I thought that was important, and I stand by everything I said there. It was distinctly a comment to her--but I don't mind that you or anyone should read it.

    But, damn it, who's being the drama queen now? I've complained, both privately and publically, about what's been happening here. I've been working very hard (most recently) to be part of the solution, not part of the problem, because I do care.

    What the hell is going on? Is this becoming the sort of place where anyone who deviates from the standard line, or gets upset, or actually cares enough about what goes on here to be passionate, should just leave?

    I've been one of the biggest assholes here, from time to time, and I've tried to avoid being a "drama queen" about it, but that doesn't mean I don't understand the feeling of being fed up. I feel grateful to the people (there have been many--including you, Leon) who encouraged me when I was feeling fed up, and I wanted Misu to feel encouraged, too.

    I don't know. Did I really personally attack you? Or anyone?

    Maybe I did.

    I need to re-read that comment.
  2. Stiofan

    Stiofan Master Po

    My name is InsAgt.

    I am an asshole. I'm trying to overcome my "problem". Perhaps one day there will be medication that will help me overcome my assholeness. I don't know. I'll order it from a Canadian pharmacy if I have to. But I am trying. Honest.

    BTW, I voted no, I think. I can't remember anymore. Does it really matter? Yes, it does. There I go being an asshole again. I'm still battling my demons.
    So sad. :cry:
  3. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    Never. Communication is always the way. That's the beauty part of this place. We can discuss things. We're all allowed to do that :)
  4. Steve

    Steve Is that it, then?

    Sort of closes the ol' communication doors, though, when someone says they're leaving ;)
  5. joseftu

    joseftu ORIGINAL Pomp-Dumpster

    I hope so, Violet! I not only hope so...I believe so, based on very good evidence!

    (And InsAgt, the proper term is "assholiness." :)--and I'm the high priest! But I'll be glad to let you be an acolyte).

    Leon--can't we all just get along? I'll gladly apologize, if it makes you feel better--I honestly respect you, and value your presence and moderatorship here. I'm not ass-kissing, either. Did the term "hateful venom" bother you? I've used it before, I'm sure. Nobody took me all that seriously, as I remember. I've felt the bite of your ire, too, from time to time. But you've generally tried to be fair in the final analysis, and I have, too. Can't we all be entitled to lose it?
  6. Neo

    Neo Banned

    Wow I just voted and in doing so saw the results for the first time. (I had not voted when I made my previous post.)

    The vote got my attention because statistically IMO it indicates this is a genuine and serious issue for some people. I had no idea really. Makes me think about a few things.

    I guess if I had stopped and thought about it for while I would have realized that this was a serious issue or the "suits" would not have brought it up.

    I say "suits" because that is technically what they are in the real world. But with one big difference: Our "suits" are the "white hats" not the "black hats" of the world.

    Also, I like a perceptive and IMO relevant comment joseftu said:

    I think the former are quickly banned, (rightly so), and the latter do exist because that certainly accurately labels me. But I think if you agree about the latter than canceling seems a bit extreme. In essence one would be canceled for being "human."

    However, if I were asked what would be the formal way to deal with the "problem" in question, or one of a similar nature, I am not sure what solution I might be able to come up with.

    Its not as simple as I first thought.
  7. Stiofan

    Stiofan Master Po

    What! and worship at your feet? Blasphamy! (But I will accept your correction on the assholiness term, after all, if you can't trust an English teacher for the proper term then who can you trust?) :)
  8. Misu

    Misu Hey, I saw that.

    I hadn't realized that my back was against the wall. I guess emotionally reacting to something one finds offensive isn't a good thing. It wasn't an apology, it was an explanation - which I also provided in the thread I created (i didn't see a third thread).

    I don't think I fully understand just what exactly is going on - yes it was a serious issue, but perhaps there's way more going on in the back than I am aware of? The only person to have contacted me about this was Joe, through my journal, then Coot. That's it. So any pm'ing going on regarding this hasn't been with me.

    A lot of stuff has happened on these forums, stuff that many feel were much worse than my utterance of good-bye, but they didn't make it to the FAQ, mine did. So I'm thinking something really big must have happened for it to have made it to capital-offense level in the FAQ. But I guess I'm clueless as to what, exactly, is the gigantic deal - so could someone fill me in, because honestly, it feels like a lot of people are pissed off at me, and I don't really know exactly why? Is it offensive to you guys that I got so mad I said goodbye? I don't get it.
  9. Fiona

    Fiona Veteran Member

    My goodness has everyone gotten their panties in a bunch... (and it's not ME.. isn't that rare, leon?) I'll call it as I see it. Misu, in this case it isn't all about you. It started as a reaction to your reaction. (i agreed with you by the way, but the thread was locked... the person i PMed can concur iffin he wants.) I think this has touched on something we have all been quietly fuming about. Leon, you do a wonderful service for us all. I am in no way intending to insult YOU. there have been times when members here have felt they need to censor themselves for fear of not being accepted. I know this as fact and can not present evidence. Take it or leave it. I was so happy and proud to see Sharon ask for a vote. YEA, SHARON! She's the only one I've seen who truly isn't afraid to speak out against "the management."
    We have issues, small ones, truly. If we talk about them, we'll all be better for it?
    I personally love it here and think you Leon, and all the mods to a fantabulous job. It's the best place on the net. Truly. If we have glitches like this, hashing it out is in our best interest.
    I voted no, because saying something in the heat of passion should be acceptable as long as it is later explained and understood, even if disagreed with. I've been called things as well for an emotional comment or one that was just not understood. Sometimes I cry a river build a bridge and get over it. Sometimes i have to be talked down. Mostly I just ignore the fuck out of you. :p
    So anyone who feels bent, I would urge you to speak your mind here, and don't for cripes sake lock this thread... we need to say our peace.
  10. joseftu

    joseftu ORIGINAL Pomp-Dumpster

    Wow, I didn't know it was actually in the FAQ at all. I don't usually read that "rumbling" forum, because I thought it was just for mods. I see there's a thread about this, there, too.

    And the vote looks pretty evenly split at this point.


    Oddly enough, Matrix and I agree. It's not as simple as I thought.

    EDIT--and can I give Fiona, who posted as I was posting the above, a thumbs up?
  11. Stiofan

    Stiofan Master Po

    The drama goodbye has become cliche in internet forms for so long now. People just really are fed up with them. They don't bother me, as I have no life to speak of anyway.

    At least you're getting some attention outta this, if I had done it I would have been gone without the vote and nary a PM wondering if I had died.

    Do you celibrate Cinco de Mayo in Florida or is that strictly a Chicano holiday here in the southwest. If you do, you have my permission to have a frosty Margarita two days early. :cool:

    Fi, I see you're back. Hope the headache is better.
  12. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    As long as things don't inflame and get worse and re ignite the fire, when a discussion is trying to take place, nothing will be locked. We all have to censor ourselves sometimes. We are real people who live in a real world. Not in this vbulletin software. Actions bring consequences. Discussion brings understanding. Guidelines need to be put in place to keep order. Name calling brings hatred. Differences of opinions stated in a heated arguement can bring flames up to the roof. Logic and common sense. We are all real people here and all deserve respect. Equally. It always goes both way :)

    We all have to hit enter before anything gets posted. I think what we need is a review like the other place has, so we can't quick post in haste and out of a reaction in anger. Just like they say, never discipline a child in anger. Do it when your cool and collect, walk away. Well just entrusting people to know this and remember consequences from their quick and possibly hurtful posting can really cause problems. I mean if one doesn't know the whole thing that went down in a given case, there could be a gang mentality and chaos. Isn't this why we have rules in the real world? To keep people from doing things that aren't nice? This isn't like quitting a job, this is like saying f'off I hate you I'm leaving to friends. In a place where we all hang out. Not a place we're paid to attend. Ahhhhh....Ok Violet...go breathe.

    Anyone have a better suggestion I have to ask??? Come on...think now. Come up with something better :)
  13. Steve

    Steve Is that it, then?

    I wasn't around this weekend and haven't taken the time to go back and read all that occurred in the SB.

    I will say this:

    People may "quit" in the heat of the moment and later realize they were brash. It happens to all of us, we say something we regret. Generally, a public acknowledgment that something boneheaded was said goes a long way toward clearing the air.

    So, no problem, right?

    Except for those who publicly proclaim in the heat of the moment that they're quitting....and then they stick around.

    One can't help but wonder if "quitting" was designed to elicit certain responses. If so, that's the exact sort of behavior that we don't need.

    So, I think it is really simple:

    1. Say you're quitting and then just go. Better yet, just go, maybe with some PM's to your friends.

    2. Say you're quitting, realize it was a stupid thing to say in the heat of the moment, and acknowledge as much. No big deal.

    3. Say you're quitting and then stick around to see where the shit sticks.

    It's the third category of "quitters" that no forum needs.

    So, no one is "bent", no one is offended. A discussion is being held as to how to deal with that third category of "quitters".
  14. Fiona

    Fiona Veteran Member

    was that SUPPOSED to be a direct response to ME? cause i have nothin against it whatsoever, I agree completely... :)
  15. Biker

    Biker Administrator Staff Member

    Jesus Christ. I think a good portion of the posters in this thread need to back up and take a good hard look at what's being posted. This is EXACTLY the type of crap we take on a regular basis. And when the administrators and moderators take action to make our jobs a little easier, there's always a certain few who we can guarantee that will come back and piss and moan about why can't they have things their way.

    You want to get all pissed off and say your leaving? DO SO! Don't lurk in the fucking background for a couple of weeks and sneak back in. You want to leave? Do it. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Oh I can hear it now.. But I really didn't mean it! BULLSHIT! If you weren't thinking about it, you wouldn't have said it. You want to take a break from the site, by all means, take a break. But don't go around threatening to leave expecting all sorts of sympathy from the staff here. It isn't going to happen.

    Leon has done the most hand holding to some of the members here and there's been more than one of us that have suggested he'd be a much happier individual if he stopped the practice. Guess what? He's about to become a MUCH happier person because the loss of someone here isn't that big of a deal.

    And for those of you comparing us to the BBR mods, I would suggest you go back and spend as much time there as you do here. In fact, go back and stay there if you can't see the difference.

    Last but not least, it seems there are some who are gracing us with their presence after months of inactivity. Should your vote really count? I think not, considering your contribution to this site has been absolutely zilch. And to those that have put the word out to "pad" the voting, shame on you. It's bad enough to whine about something, but to go round up reinforcements to make your case, that's grounds (in my book) to declare the voting null and void.
  16. tke711

    tke711 Oink Oink Staff Member

    I am truly clueless as to what has set everybody off. I guess I need to go back and read what I've missed in these "3 other threads".

    However, from what I am getting out of this thread, this whole vote and discussion is based on the actions of one individual, Misu? Is that correct?

    If it is, then I think that we have a bigger problem then whatever it is that Misu did. I mean, come on folks! I've been here since the first migration from DSLR and I could probably count on one hand the number of times I've seen someone say, "I'm leaving". It's really not a big of a problem and certainly doesn't need this kind of energy or attention from all of us.

    If there is a problem with a particular member, the mods and/or fellow members need to address it privately and take what ever action is deemed necessary on a situation by situation basis. We don't need some blanket, hard ass rule to address such a small issue (I don't want to call it a problem anymore as it's not a problem in my book).

    Banning members who say something stupid in the heat of the moment is not a good solution in my opinion. In fact, I'm thankful my parents didn't subscribe to the same tactic when I was growing up. If they had, I wouldn't have talked to them ever again after my 13th birthday. That was the first time I said, "I'm leaving! I hate you!", as all adolescents do. Of course, we are not adolescents here, but the message is the same. We all make mistakes and say things we don't mean. However, that doesn't mean we ban them or stop caring about them. To do so is no better IMHO.

    That's my $0.03 as my $0.02 was already posted earlier. :)

    If my cluelessness about these previous threads has made this a stupid post, I apologize as I'm just going by what I've seen in this thread and by the principle that has been asked for a vote on.
  17. Misu

    Misu Hey, I saw that.

    ok people this is getting retarded now, it really is. I didn't mean to get any "attention" out of this, nor was it somehow planned to watch the shit fly - I really was out. I am currently on invisible because I just don't want to be seen online right now.

    Can't this crap just be let go? Add it to the fuggin' FAQ, I don't care. Hell, I'll even vote YES on it, if it means this is let go. Just let it go, people. There's no reason why this is being discussed 3 days after the original incident. So let it go.

    I feel like I'm not even wanted here any more - I feel funny about participating in other threads as long as this is being hashed and kicked around. Please, just let it go. I was wrong to get so pissed off that I wrote "goodbye", the people who said the "W" word apologized because they honestly did not realize it was a slur, it's fine and it's over. If the admins want to add it to the FAQ, then by God, add it to the FAQ, so that next time I have an outburst I'll get banned, and so will any one else who has a moment if irrationality and quits in the heat of anger. That's fine. We now have fair warning, which is good.

  18. Fiona

    Fiona Veteran Member

    I'd like to only add that my post was for discussion, i think some people ARE bent. However, I still think that Leon and his band of moderators have the final say and we should all abide by that and gratefully. After all, as said by Vi, we aren't paying to attend. :)
  19. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member

    No this isn't all about what happened with Misu. This has happened with other members and the fallout after the fact was always very unfair and wasn't good for the general atmosphere of the forum. Friendship is one thing, to be respected. But everyone has to realize the facts and the situation at hand with the given circumstances with each instance. Sometimes it's better to be a friend and say look, can't you see they have a point and help someone come to the realization that things can be taken two ways and not one person has to be right or wrong, but there needs to be peace and not constant discord.

    Saying things like maybe I should just leave is begging for a response and we don't think about it sometimes if we say it. It causes tensions and sometimes some serious hatred if people react without all the facts. It really can be a mess out of control. And why? In this forum we can talk about anything as long as we don't attack each other and keep it civil.

    Fi I was addressing you only in the part about the locking. Sorry I go on and on sometimes and don't break my paragraphs :(
  20. Violet1966

    Violet1966 Stand and Deliver Staff Member


    Edit: not thumbs up for the not wanted part. That's not what I was giving thumbs up for sorry.

Share This Page