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#1 Reason Moore Leaves the Country So Often...

Discussion in 'Issues Around the World' started by Sierra Mike, Dec 13, 2002.

  1. Sierra Mike

    Sierra Mike The Dude Abides Staff Member

    ...or, at the very least, stays the hell out of Texas. My mother and younger brother, obviously.

    My brother always loses in these fights.

    SM
     
  2. Frodo Lives

    Frodo Lives to hit it!

    I thought deportation was your #1 reason for leaving the country? :huh:
     
  3. Sierra Mike

    Sierra Mike The Dude Abides Staff Member

    Funny guy. weenie! weenie! weenie!

    SM
     
  4. Frodo Lives

    Frodo Lives to hit it!

    Or was it to take upskirt pics in Japan? ;) :p :p
     
  5. Coot

    Coot Passed Away January 7, 2010

    As I suspected, his last name isn't Moore...it's Osbourne :p
     
  6. Robert Harris

    Robert Harris Passed Away Aug. 19, 2006

    I always thought you left because you discovered that some girl's father or brother could run faster than you.
     
  7. Sierra Mike

    Sierra Mike The Dude Abides Staff Member

    LOL...thankfully, that has never been an issue.

    SM
     
  8. Jedi Writer

    Jedi Writer Guest

    Since Steve is such a knowledgeable and experienced world traveler as demonstrated by his many informative and entertaining posts I thought I would add my tips for traveling abroad and how to enjoy yourself while avoiding common problems experienced by Americans.

    I lived and worked in Europe for three years. I also have traveled extensively to other countries including Mexico. I offer the following advice to Americans traveling abroad on how to have a good time while avoiding being labeled by the locals as one of those dumb or "Ugly Americans".

    The first thing to remember is that in Europe and Latin America people are by nature much quieter than Americans. So when visiting, lower your voice to about three-quarters normal the volume and you will fit right in.

    Speaking of being quiet, that raises the issue of children. Unless they are extraordinarily well behaved and quiet, leave them at home when you take your trip. America is the only culture in western civilization in which parents seem to think it is both their obligation and divine mission to inflict their children on other people. How often have you gone to a movie, a restaurant or grocery store and watched and listened while darling little Jack or Sally made a noisy scene? In Europe or Mexico when you go to a restaurant, you will see few if any children. If you do, they will be quiet and well behaved. Now that we have gotten that subject out of the way let's start our trip.

    When in Great Britain, be prepared for the food. It is really lousy. In fact, the food is so bad, it is the reason Britain has only once been successfully invaded in the last thousand years. Except for the Norman conquerors, everyone else concluded the food wasn't worth the bloodshed. Some gourmet historians claim the Normans packed a lunch. (See French cuisine in the review of France that follows.) Fortunately for the British, their food is just about the only thing negative. Nowhere else outside of the U.S will Americans find acceptance as in London.

    However, while in London, be careful when you step off the curb to cross the street. In the U.S. you first look left then step off the curb. Try that in London and you will find yourself spread on someone's car grill. Since they drive on left side of the road, you must first look right before starting to cross the street.

    Always carry an umbrella with you. It can change from 75 degrees and sunny to a rain shower in about 10 minutes. The weather changes constantly, especially between March and November. I prefer visiting in the fall. Although the weather is cold, it is consistent and seldom rains. Another big plus is you are spared the crowds of tourist, which visit in the spring and summer. This is true for most of Western and Eastern Europe.

    Overall, you will find the public transportation in London the best in the world. Whether by taxi, underground railway, or bus, the transportation is marvelous. However, keep in mind that all but the taxis stop running late at night. The taxi drivers drive cautiously and with great skill. The cabs are very roomy.

    In London, if you can think of it you can find it. It has everything you could want to do. (Except eat a good meal.)

    Now for the Continent! Be prepared for the taxis, especially in France and Italy. The drivers are convinced they are both invincible and immortal. The cabs are small and every driver aspires to race on the Formula One Grand Prix circuit. Therefore, to fit in, do not allow the color to drain out of your face and don't leave finger grip marks in the cab. Practice complimenting your driver on his prowess behind the wheel! Fender benders are common, and are accompanied by much shouting and arm waving. So practice looking relaxed and natural in these situations.

    In your hotel room, do not ask about any plumbing fixture in the bathroom you do not recognize. To do so is a sure give away that you are a culturally deprived American. And for goodness sakes, if you don't know what it is, don't use it!

    The food on the continent is excellent everywhere, but my favorite is the French cuisine. It is amazing how tasty a simple ham and cheese sandwich is. Their pastries are without equal.

    As for the sights, just wait until you see the Eiffel Tower at night on a clear evening. It is illuminated in such a way to make it appear to be made of bright gold. The view of the Eiffel Tower from the Grand Palace is breathtaking and romantic beyond belief.

    As for the language, if you don't speak it well, don't try. To try to speak a language other than your own except for the most rudimentary six word sentences--forget it! You will just get scowled at or perhaps punched. "Bone jure, Monsewer", does not cut it. If you must learn certain phrases I recommend the following: Take your hand off of me! Which way to the airport? Which way to the border? I want to see the American Ambassador! How much is this? I have diplomatic immunity! These phrases will take you a long way.

    Always act and talk like you know what you are doing. Do not wear white socks with anything other than athletic shoes. Use common sense. For instance, if you are visiting Moscow, don't stop in front of the KGB headquarters to take photos.

    If you travel to Mexico observe the same basic rules as above. (A disclaimer: Tijuana is not Mexico!) The people in Mexico are extremely warm, polite, and friendly, but things happen at a much slower rate. Do not get impatient, and don't assume everyone who is Latin is Mexican. There are lots of visitors in Mexico from other Latin American countries.

    A special warning to men who travel to Latin America with beautiful women who can also speak Spanish--especially if the woman is blond. (My ex-wife has all those traits. She also speaks nine languages. Boy did she get a lot of attention wherever she went!) Get used to waiters, car rental agents, and various other male Latinos flirting with and sometimes trying to hit on your wife or girlfriend. It is not personal. Take it as a compliment to your partner and to your taste in women. You will get along much better that way.

    Finally, don't forget that you are the foreigner and both a visitor and guest in any country you visit. Never forget that the world does not revolve around the United States, nor is English the required language. Treat everybody with dignity and politeness. You will be amazed at the results. So have a good time. Good luck.
     
  9. ethics

    ethics Pomp-Dumpster Staff Member

    Great stuff, JW.


    Steve, your family is funny. Do they know you have exposed them all over the net? ;)
     
  10. Sierra Mike

    Sierra Mike The Dude Abides Staff Member

    No, but I've been written out of the family will for decades now, so it's not like I have much to lose.

    SM
     
  11. Sierra Mike

    Sierra Mike The Dude Abides Staff Member

    Jim,

    Great stuff about Europe...I've spent most of my time in Swtizerland while there, and have not really explored a lot of France and Germany. Oh, and also a trip to Hungary that was never supposed to happen, but that's a different story.

    I'll be covering how to avoid acting like a UG in Asia in another section. Thankfully, I'm happy to say that Yanks rank third on the list of lousy foreigners who are likely to visit Asia. Aussies and Kiwis are first, with Yanks and Brits tied for third.

    As you said, looking right before crossing the street in Britain is extremely apropos. It also works wonders in Singapore and Hong Kong. Also in Taiwan, even though they drive on the right side of the street. Thing is, the Taiwanese pretty much dispense with traffic laws. Expect to see cars barreling down a street in the wrong lane for as far as they can.

    SM
     
  12. jamming

    jamming Banned

    Don't forget in South America, never ever rent a car, hire a driver or taxi. The reason is their laws are not like ours, get in a traffic accident go to jail. Bail is what you do when the boat gets water in it. This happened to a friend of mine, he spent three weeks in jail waiting to see the judge.
     
  13. ShinyTop

    ShinyTop I know what is right or wrong!

    And the number one reason for SM leaving the country:

    Many other countries have less red tape when experimenting with STD cures.
     
  14. Sierra Mike

    Sierra Mike The Dude Abides Staff Member

    Really??? Well, I've never been entreated to visit Africa, anyway. The last time I was there was in the right seat of an AH-6. I'm pretty sure I wore out my welcome.

    SM
     
  15. Techie2000

    Techie2000 The crowd would sing:

    Stange bathroom fictures? Besides the shower, sink, and throne what else do you need?
     
  16. jamming

    jamming Banned

    Psst....Nobody tell the kid, lets see if he can find it on the internet ;)
     
  17. Allene

    Allene Registered User

    Techie, they have bidets in French hotel rooms. I was there when I was young and had never heard of a bidet!

    Jedi Writer, thanks for the great report. I'd like to add one thing: If you must drive in Britain, rent an automatic rather than a manual transmission car, even if you normally drive a manual at home. When we were there in 1999, we had a manual transmission car and it was hard to get used to it because the gearshift is next to your left hand instead of your right hand.

    Allene
     
  18. mikepd

    mikepd Veteran Member

    The kid has never seen Cocodile Dundee.

    I figure it would take the French to come up with something like that. ;)
     

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