If you had the chance to go back.....

[Andy]

If you had the chance to go back into your past, and smack yourself upside the head to make a different choice in life than you did the first time, would you?

And if so what would you say?

For me, it's always been the one that got away.

I was young and stupid, (synonymous terms, no doubt!;) ) and thought I knew what was best for me.
The one that got away, is now a prominent Lawyer in NYC living in the upper west side.
My ex-wife is living in a "double-wide" in AZ. (do the math!:nut: )

Although I highly doubt that I could really make such a change to my life knowing that I would not have my kids that I have now.

I guess it boils down to the fact that things in life happen for a reason.

[ethics]

Originally posted by M1TankCommander


I guess it boils down to the fact that things in life happen for a reason.

Firstly, great discussion! I am sure others will chime in with their thoughts on the topic.

Secondly, I, too, have an enormous amount of things I wish to have changed but there's this one speck of darkness, at the back of the brain, that tells me not to fiddle with things the way they were.

My beliefs are certainly your quote above.

[jamming]

I think everyone would want to, but would they if they could? I don't know, everytime you correct things you also have the chance of making it worse too.

[Biker]

If pre-knowledge was a factor and knowing then what I know now, yes, there would be something I would change. In a heartbeat, consequences of tampering be damned. Funny what you'd do for love, isn't it?

[Steve]

Specific events? None that I can think of, off-hand, so I suppose there are none, really.

Specific aspects of my personality? Sure! I think we all would have liked to have been more confident and self-assured at 15; a little more introspective at 22. I don't know if those kinds of things can be brought about by being "told" to act in any particular fashion.

Maturity, and all the trappings in life that come with it, needs to be earned. Some people are relatively more mature than others, at any given age. Some never mature, at all. For the most part, though, I think most of us need to travel that too-short road we call "life" and experience the journey for ourselves.

OK, I would go back to Misawa, Japan, at the age of 13, on a particular Friday night at the Youth Center, and slap my younger self senseless to prevent myself from ever taking that first puff of cigarette. That, I would change.

[Domh]

You old-school geeks will get this.

I was 10 years old living in Hanover NH, hanging out at the Kiewit Computing Center at Dartmouth with the guys who invented BASIC and setup one of the first major backbone routers in the country - the year was 1978.

They loved me, I loved computers... the future was pretty obvious... were talking sub-basement of the internet revolution, and I was right there, at the right time, the right place, at the right age, with the right skills and interests and the INSANE connections with the people who basically invented the Net.

But no - at the age of 14 I decided smoking pot all day was the way to go...

Where might I be now?

Its of no consequence. I chose what I chose and I am where I am.

But I think on it sometimes, and somewhere deep inside it fucking hurts - it hurts ALOT... like somebody whispering a secret to me and I can hear them, barely, but I just dont understand.

[tke711]

I wouldn't change a thing.

Sure, I have made, and continue to make, mistakes or bad decisions. However, these decisions, good or bad, have all led me to where I am today.

I have a wonderful and loving wife, a beautiful baby girl, a lucrative and successful career, and great friends and family. Life is pretty damn good.

When I look back on my younger years, I am embarrassed and regret some of the things I did. However, all of these things, good and bad, have brought me to where I am today and have shaped the person I am.

Because of this, I would not want to change a thing. It's a game that is way to dangerous for me to play.

[Misu]

The only thing I'd change would be I would have talked to my dad before he died, rather than have been the stupid stubborn bitch that I am famous for being and not talked to him his final week of life.

[pcysmith]

There must be one or two women out there today who said "In your dreams!" when a dorky looking geek named Bill Gates asked them out in high school. Can you imagine the "what ifs" that would have to be going through their minds? "Billion" is a very erotic word.:)

[ShinyTop]

Ya, but if Bill had gotten any he would not have been hanging out in garages programming.

[pcysmith]

Originally posted by ShinyTop
Ya, but if Bill had gotten any he would not have been hanging out in garages programming.
Ya think? Then I have to wonder what we would be doing today. Or maybe how we'd be doing it. God, do you think the whole world would be a different place if Bill Gates got laid in high school?

[ShinyTop]

In detail only. I tend to think individuals in the technology field who are credited with innovation were in the right place at the right time. If it had not been Bill somebody else would have kicked this off. And it might have been somebody a little less bloodthirsty and greedy. Bill has done much for computing but the bodies of the little guys he has outmuscled with his billions belie the myth that MS has innovated anything.

[Coriolis]

I've often fantasized about what it would be like if I could go back in time, to a certain age, and correct some of the stupid things I've done. There are many choices I've made that I now regret, but they pale in comparison to the choices that I've made which I do not regret. So ultimately, I would not go back and change anything, for fear of the slightest chance that I would not have encountered that pretty blonde in the hallway of the engineering building at my university, who eventually became and my wife, and gave birth to our kids. I guess the furthest back I would go would therefore be after the birth of my last child, and I suppose there are a few things I'd change between then and now, but it's too soon to know whether those things I'd change would have a negative or positive impact upon where I am right now at this moment in time. So in conclusion, no, I'll just let the chips fall where they may.

[ShinyTop]

My first marriage ended in divorce. But to wish it had never happened would be to wish away my son. I cannot do that. I might have chosen a different doctor for my back surgery. I would definitely have gone for disability last March when my back deteriorated. Instead I thought I can work. I worked long enough to be laid off. The difference between social security disability and the disability insurance I had at work is about $1200 a month.

[cdw]

I would have gone on the trip to Germany with my grandparents when they offered. I would have gone to college. And I would have stayed away from drugs.

[ethics]

Cyd? Drugs? Really?

[cdw]

lol... yep. Well, hell, I am a child of the 60's ya know.
I fought it for the longest time too.. I think I was the last of our "group" that got involved. Probably the last woman in the group to begin using curse words. But, once I got started, hell, I was on a tear for quite some time. I did not do heroine.... that was drilled into me by my 7th grade science teacher who convinced me that even one granual would make us hooked. So, that was a no-no. I tripped a couple of times, but was panicked that I would NEVER come down and end up brain dead or "stuck" in the world of unreality as was being reported during the VietNam war days. So, that was out.
Speed was my choice, with pot. It wasn't daily, but, it was a bit more than recreational. Although at the time, I would never have admitted that.

[ethics]

Wow, thanks for sharing. :)

[cdw]

Hey, no problem... that's what this place is for, no?
If I ever gave the impression that I was a straight arrow, do gooder all the time, don't believe it... I'm just practicing to get a job in the political arena. :)
But, I will say this.... what I have done in my past has brought me to the place I am today....many of the views I hold now are because of all the excuses I used on myself. I know them. They were bullshit then and they still are.

[ethics]

Which goes back to my point, Cyd, and others mentioned this as well.

While it WOULD be nice to go back, the result would be skewed and you would NOT -- for better or worse -- be the same person you are today.

[Copzilla]

If I had it to do over again, I would take school so seriously, that it would preclude everything else. And not just the studies aspect of it, but also the activities, sports, musicals, everything. If I had it to do over again, I would be a model student, and would try to squeeze the most out of my educational experience.

I would take schooling to the highest level, and shoot for a PhD or similar vocation.

[cdw]

Understood...but, at least I would have seen Germany and traveled a little, I would have had an "away from home" experience in college, a degree in SOMETHING, lol and...I wouldn't have wasted so much time and PROBABLY would remember a hell of a lot more. :)

[Copzilla]

Oh, and for the record, it's never too late to do something like that, and is why I'm 39 years old and in college.

[cdw]

it's never too late to do something like that

Sheeit...I KNEW someone was going to blow one of my excuses out of the water. Damn! :)

[BigDeputyDog]

I've had good times and bad, My happy times and sad
And rode it through thick and thin
Some days I have won, Some days I've had none
But in all I'd do it again!

I've learned from both my successes and failures... I've loved and lost, loved and won... I've made a fortune and lost a fortune... But through it all, I've maintained both my sanity and my sense of humor...

I am what I am because of what I have experienced... Were I to change anything in my past, it would be to smile more... To enjoy the smaller things in life that we all take for granted... To write more poetry... To see the forest and the trees...

No, I'd not want to go back and make major changes in my life... (other than putting down the correct numbers in that $180 mil PowerBall lottery!!)

BDD... :{)

[mikepd]

Well, first I want to say that I'm very glad that this is pure conjecture as if it were possible then in a different reality we would never have met here online. That would indeed be a high price to pay from my viewpoint.

I chose radiology as a compromise profession to appease my father, if truth be known. He had always planned my life for me, I had known for a long time he was trying to make up for his perceived shortcomings in his own. He was an extremely intelligent man, graduated from Columbia, went to Fordham Law for 3 years before a family crisis intervened and then came WWII. Then he got married and had a family. He did many good things, was allowed to go before a judge in certain hearings for the City of Philadelphia (the only non lawyer so allowed) but still felt inadequate. So he thought he could make up for past 'mistakes' through me. This was a source of contention between us for many years. I never wanted a liberal arts education rather wanting a technical oriented course of study. His father was a master mechanic and I guess I picked up my love for things technical from him. I also loved to cook as it brought out the creative aspect of my nature.

Both the technical and cooking (cooking!!??) were anathema to my father. Rather than endure the struggle and grief that going my own true way would entail, I punted to a fallback position of radiology which served me in good stead.

But if truth be known, I still wonder what sort of professional chef I would have made or what would have happened if I studied computers at the engineering level.

[melpomene]

Great discussion.

I would change nothing.

Not one thing.

Its been a hard road, very hard. But everyone has a story. Everyone.

Life's a journey...........we all know this.

[ethics]

I wonder if the hard roads in people's lives make them "better" people.

By that, I mean people who are strong in emotion and character and people who actually appreciate whatever good that comes their way?

[Scott]

i've done so much crap in my life i wish i could go back and change. too much to list here, but i agree with Cyd----i would go back and tell myself to stay away from the drugs. they're probably the #1 reason for all the stupid shit i did back then.......

[Paladin]

I have made many mistakes in my life. By the time I was 39 I was severly depressed, living in squallor, owing back taxes. At 39 there was a hell of a lot in my past that I would have changed. Which would have been a terrible mistake.

At age 39 1/2 Valkyre logged onto my BBS.

For the last 16+ years I have lived in a fantasy marriage, one that is usually reserved for fairy tales. We still have problems, but we have the one thing that no money can buy and against which all problems fade to near nothing -- true love.

[ethics]

Wow Paladin, that's awesome. :)

[melpomene]

agree, ethics, that is awesome.

love these stories.

[Valkyre]

I think the only thing I would have changed is my senior year in High School. 10th and 11th grade I was doing great. Scholarship committee, etc. Top 10% in the school. On the principal's list. (The good one! LOL). Then, when I hit 12th grade..... They call it "Senioritis"? I got it real bad. My grades crashed. It got to the point where the school was calling my mom to let her know whether I showed up that day or not. I missed tests, didn't do homework. I was writing research reports for various classes the night before I was supposed to turn them in. I did graduate, barely. Thanks to a school counselor who really seemed to care and my best friend's mom who kind of "adopted" me. She told me to clean up my act. She didn't graduate, married at 16, yadda, yadda. She didn't want to see me throw it away.

[Violet1966]

If I had a chance to change anything, I wouldn't because there would be a strong chance then that I wouldn't have had my children. It would be too high a risk for me to take because I can't imagine a life without them.

Sure there are things I could have done differently that would have taken me to different places in life, but like I said...I'm happy right here right now. I wouldn't change a thing :)

[cdw]

Then, when I hit 12th grade

wow... what happened? I mean, my demise was a slow thing... from 9th on. Always passed my classes except one, cause the teacher was such a shit that i refused to go to class and watch him belittle everyone. I got A+ in summer school. But my problem was divorce, a move, vietnam and drugs... oh, better add the boyfriend to that too.
what was your thing?

[mikepd]

Ah, Paladin, you have mentioned one of the absolute truths in the universe. Armed with the power of true love there is no problem that cannot be faced. Nothing. I met Darlene a few months after my 43rd birthday. We met at the apartment of a very close friend of my mother. This was on a Saturday and the next day was the worst blizzard in many years. I knew she was interested in seeing me when I called to say I did not think I could get out to see her as I was snowed in. She said she had a 4 wheel drive Jeep and would pick me up and we could go to the local diner for dinner. We met every day for the next two weeks and just talked and talked about everything. Half way through the third week, I proposed. Went over to her parent's house (she lived just one block from me for ten years-who knew) and asked her father for her hand in marriage, the whole bit. Next thing I know, I'm getting a tour of an over 150 year old house that dates back to colonial times including an original colonial basement.

She is my soul mate, the wind beneath my wings that helps me face what I must each day. She gives me the physical therapy I need when I am fetal from the pain due to extreme muscle spasm (I am a high maintenance hubby ;) ) and I do what I can by cooking and some housework like laundry in return. Marriage is a commitment not serial monogamy. I guess that is why I waited so long and why I am so glad I did.

Mike

[Valkyre]

Originally posted by cydweeks
wow... what happened? I mean, my demise was a slow thing... from 9th on. Always passed my classes except one, cause the teacher was such a shit that i refused to go to class and watch him belittle everyone. I got A+ in summer school. But my problem was divorce, a move, vietnam and drugs... oh, better add the boyfriend to that too.
what was your thing?

Ah yes, there was a boyfriend..... He was on the other "Principal's list" (The bad one!!!) My parent's hated him and the more they told me to stay away from him, the more appealing they made him. But, it wasn't just him. It seemed that a bunch of things just seemed to come together at once in my Senior year and I crashed. My way of coping was running away. The first time I was truant, no one believed me. No one. That's how my reputation was.... My friend and I walked out the front door, in the main building by all the open office doors of the Principal, Vice Principal and Counselors offices the first time we ditched. Most of the regular truants had to jump the fence. They would get stopped trying to walk out the Main Office. One of the counselors even waved at us as we walked by. No one stopped us, or questioned us. It just got easier and easier to leave instead of facing my problems. No one seemed to pay attention until I got failure notices in two of my academic classes along with a "you don't have enough credits to graduate...." Then, I buckled down and managed to squeak by. (I only needed to take 4 classes in my Senior Year in order to meet the requirements for graduation, due to me completing most of the necessary classes in 10th and 11th.)

The boyfriend was some of the problem. And the friends I decided to hang around with at that time. Home life was..... (That is a whole different thread..... ;)

[cdw]

It just got easier and easier to leave instead of facing my problems. No one seemed to pay attention

Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't know how old you are, but I did this in the the late '60's early '70's. I realize now that I never really reached out to anyone with any kind of knowledge.
I didn't believe them, trust them, which, now I see was an insecurity all my own. It was pretty f*cked up. I guess that's all part of growing up. When I was a kid, there were rules. Boundaries. Then when I became a teen, there was nothing... everything was changing. Mothers were becoming sexual beings with rights. Divorce was a new thing... My parents were one of the first, or so I thought, until I finally broke down and told a friend... she looked at me with these wide eyes and said.. you too?? It was tough. I had one believe system and then, pooff, it was gone. I was trying to be an adult, and so was my mom... growing up isn't easy. Shit, I'm still trying to do it, lol.

[melpomene]

Cyd, i just read your post, and thought, poor kid.

Then i had a look at your profile. Born 1954. What the????????

Everyone has a heartbreak story from their childhood, everyone.

[cdw]

Cyd, i just read your post, and thought, poor kid.

lol... yeah, the more it changes the more it stays the same.
(shakin' my head)

That's why I asked you what changed. You can't be on the "right" road and then all of a sudden you are doing for shit.
And it doesn't always have to be the parents' fault. That's why I asked.... I was in the same situation as you... doing great, the right thing, and then bammm... :)

[melpomene]

Yeah but, cyd, thats the eternal cycle hey.

I always say "Life is 80% shit, and 20% great................you live through the 80% and focus on the 20%"

[cdw]

I always say "Life is 80% shit, and 20% great................you live through the 80% and focus on the 20%"

Awww... that's cause you live in Australia, hon. Over here on the other side of the world, it's reversed just like the weather...
80% great and 20% shit. rofl

[Paladin]

Originally posted by mikepd
... Armed with the power of true love there is no problem that cannot be faced. Nothing. ...
Marriage is a commitment not serial monogamy. ... Commitment implies some sort of effort.

Not knowing what one could change in the past, that would not lead to a future that excluded true love, means that you cannot change anything.

There are two theories about the flow of time. One says that even a minor change, the killing of a fly, would change the future. The other is that the flow of time is immune to minor ripples and that any changes are corrected in the long run.

[Sacchiridites]

Hey, I'm just trying real hard to embrace where I am right now and move on.
If I start thinking about what 'might have been' it'll keep going and going and going....in a circle like the Energizer Bunny and I'll never go forward.
My good friend asked me just last week, "If you were me, what would you have done differently in your past?" I told her absolutely nothing and gave her a big hug to confirm I'm glad she's where she is at the moment. (With me.) I thought about it afterwards and, to myself, I thought "dammit, you should have got your college degree, woman." (about her) Then I remembered it took 11 years for me to get my 2 yr degree. 3 classes to go and I opted for an 8.5 year career.

Besides that, I have enough people around me that want to keep telling me I screwed up over and over again. And they keep doing it! They're doing a fine job and don't need my help.

Cie

[ethics]

Originally posted by Sacchiridites
Besides that, I have enough people around me that want to keep telling me I screwed up over and over again. And they keep doing it! They're doing a fine job and don't need my help.

Cie

I hope these people understand that they are not doing much for the solution. Can you get away from these types?