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View Full Version : Why Do Divorce Laws Marginalize Men?


ethics
06-10-2003, 10:02 PM
Ask a buddy at work. Ask your neighbor. Even a relative will probably have heard of one. And the stories are always the same: she took his house, his car, and his kids. She made more money than him and he still had to pay alimony. She accused him of physical abuse and the courts didn't even ask for evidence. It seems that no matter who you talk to these days, someone knows of a man who came out of a divorce robbed and humiliated. And there is no end to how harrowing such stories get.

Thus starts a decent (albeit angry, and most of it rightfully so) opinion piece in the AskMen Web site.

Consider these fine points in the unfairness of the male laws:
Courts consistently refuse to lower child support fees when the father's income drops. Known as the "Bradley Amendment," this law forbids any reduction in child support arrears, even if the father is disabled. We already discussed this and I believe one member (Wacko?) is still affected by this.
If a man remarries, his new wife's income can be used as proof that the man can pay alimony. If the ex-wife (and mother) remarries, however, not a cent of her new husband's earnings goes to child support. The court's rationale? They are not his children, thus not his responsibility.
Current data indicates that women are becoming the biggest perpetrators of domestic abuse. Furthermore, many women brainwash children into saying their fathers were abusers. Courts will nonetheless believe a woman over a man, just because she is the mother.
In California, if the higher-earning spouse, who is typically the man, is hurt during marriage and gets a monetary settlement, the court can award some of it to the wife even if he suffered all the pain and permanent loss of earning capacity.
The earning spouse will be ordered to pay the attorney's fees of the dependent spouse, which is usually between $5,000 and $20,000 US, even if the latter initiated it. 

I have to admit that even 5 years ago, I would not think that something like this column (http://www.askmen.com/fashion/austin_60/92_fashion_style.html) would be printed. Thank goodness for the Internet! :)

Fiona
06-10-2003, 10:06 PM
Men do get the raw deal... It's years of overcompensation. :) The tables are being evened slowly but surely.

ShinyTop
06-10-2003, 10:15 PM
That's exactly why we have the problem. A divorce between a man and a woman is just that, not a battle between all men and all women. Individual judges have no business deciding an individual case based on anything but the facts in the case.

BestFriend
06-10-2003, 10:17 PM
I say what is in the best intrest of the children should rule, not who makes more money or has possession...if one parent makes more than the other parent, it should be the one makes more to contribute more to the kids after divorce. Ratio of income per the child support vs. ability to provide a place for the kids to be at both homes. Both parents should consider the children first and formost while providing an atmosphere that might be reduced in economical status of living arrangements...it is not the material things that are the most important...rather a well emotional support is more important. Dang...make it harder to get a divorce and keep families from breaking up so much! It might even make a person think twice before getting married and having kids that would get caught in the divorce. Prenuptial counseling as a requirement like the old blood work test were manditory would sure help a lot!

BigDeputyDog
06-10-2003, 11:22 PM
My first ex remarried and moved 4 states away. I was neither consulted nor asked my opinion prior to her moving. Having been saddled with all of the bills, I was struggling financially. She came back into town to take me back to court to demand more child support. I decided to contact my attorney and see if I could work out some kind of equitable travel arrangements to see my son, since she was the one who moved, not me. While sitting outside the judge's chambers (small courthouse), I overheard my attorney, her attorney and the judge in conversation. The judge made the statement that he had never ordered a woman to pay any part of the cost of travel so that the man could have visitation with his child(ren). I was shot down before I had even had a chance to state my side of the matter... Oh yeah, child support was raised too... :(
I spent the next 5 years on the road once a month, driving 500+ miles each way, to exercise my right to visitation with my son. Increased child support, gasoline, meals, hotel rooms, etc every month for 5 years.... do the math... :(
The worst part of it was, they would come to visit her mother for a weekend quite often. Her mother lived 45 minutes down the road from me. My son was not allowed to call from his grandma's to let me know he was in town... :(

I paid my child support every month as was ordered in the decree. I bought clothes and shoes for him when he would visit in the summer, for the clothes that were sent were not fit to wear (done intentionally). I sent him extra money when he would have his Cub Scout, Boy Scout, school, etc. sales and fund raisers. I did everything I could to be a good dad... And yet I had no say in him moving away from me, no real input into his daily life... :(

BDD...

Steve
06-10-2003, 11:29 PM
Why do men get the shaft?

This is likely a gross oversimplification, but I believe it's an institutional holdover within the court system from the days when women were viewed solely as caregivers for their children and unsuitable to work competitively.

There probably isn't a judge alive who would admit this, but inertia is a terrible thing. Remember that story about the apes, the bananas, and the water hose?

"It's just the way it's always been done."

cdw
06-11-2003, 01:27 PM
I certainly agree that there are inequities in the system and need to be changed. But...that article.... come on.

So, you guys know somethings not right.... How many of you have donated to those that are fighting for your rights? Talked to your legislators and are persistant? Belong to a group who's focus is on parental rights? Just asking. :-)

ShinyTop
06-11-2003, 02:10 PM
When I got a divorce 20 years ago I went to a lawyer to see what my chances of getting custody were. My wife's reason for a divorce was needing to get to know herself, needing to be on her own, not dependent on any man. Good reasons, but also good reasons for me to have custody in terms of stability for the child. The lawyer I talked to told me that in that time, 80's, and in that place, Alabama, there was no way a judge would give custody to a father if the mother wanted custody. He went on to say you could be sleeping with the 5th fleet, but only if Jason were watching would it help my case.

I bit the bullet, paid the child support, saw him whenever I could and he came to live with me on his 13th birthday.

Cyd, you bring up good points. I feel the system is unfair although I was lucky in that Jason's Mom took good care of him and did not go back to court for more money. But I have not signed up to support any men's groups about the issue. I guess I was bitten with some groups I joined. I quit the NRA since I figured they were spending more money on mailings asking for more money than my membership was earning them. That and their inability to seek compromise.

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